o u t r a g e o u s

should i forge
the undiscovered
or will i stick
to familiar ground?
-----------------------------------------
it started as a dream
something made of utter fantasy
i dont know when, and i dont know why
the dream became reality
fading away beneath my feet
all i could do
was watch in fear
as my fantasy became
my worst nightmare

so, ive been seeing this guy nick for about a week now.

he is just so amazing....i cant get him off my mind! :)

im so completely infatuated its ridiculous....but i like it ;)

thank you for giving me a reason to smile again.

thank you for showing me that i can trust someone and wont always be hurt.

thank you for letting me be me and not caring.

thank you for everything :)

oh my, is this real? do i really feel like this?

i have to check my feet just to make sure im not floating up in the clouds.

it was a magical night and a wonderful conversation with an absolutely AMAZING guy :)

i am feel so many emotions right now i cant even BEGIN to describe it

i think things are finally working out for me ;) :)

well you think your in love
its easy to see
you can play the game
but you wont play me

so, i started my job for Complete Communications Inc. today.

it started out fine, i had to go out to Romulus and pick up a 14 ft. projection screen for L'Anse Cruise. it was a nice 3 hour trip by myself :)

i drop the screen off, and i go back to the office. mark wants me to go to 24 and romeo plank to deliver some supplies.

so, i was really nervous all day, and i turned right on to card from 24 mile instead of left. i got to north avenue, and was going to turn around at the next house since i realized i turned the wrong way. im sitting on 24 mile, at a stop sign, and i think its a 4-way stop. i saw this woman's van coming, but it looked like she was slowing down. so i proceeded to go through the stop sign, and she started honking her horn. next thing i know, she slams in to me going about 55 miles an hour, and T-Bones the brand new company van. i was pushed in to a truck sitting the opposite way on 24 mile.

surprisingly, i came out of the whole ordeal with only a banged knee. mark still made me to go the hospital for human resource purposes though.

so, now its up in the air whether or not ill be able to keep the job, but i hope i will. mark wasnt TOO upset about it, he just told me he wanted to take tomorrow off and relax and rest.

so yeah, that was my first day on the job. it was pretty fun, lets just cross our fingers and hope i didnt lose a great opportunity like this.....

i wanted to give you everything, and all you wanted from me was ressurance of your feelings for another man.

i just want to make a general statement to everyone on my friends list:

I am not made of stone, and believe it or not i do feel pain. i am not a tool or a pawn in a game, im a human with real feelings.

why do guys have to suck so much sometimes???

well, this has been a very, very fun weekend. i havent had a weekend like this in SUCH a long time! :)

it started thursday, when i went to see Blend and Shock of the Cold battle it out at round 3 of emergenza. both bands were AMAZING, although shock of the cold was the only band to move on.

friday i worked (ewwwwwwwwww!) and went with andy to see X-Men 3: The Last Stand. it was FANTASTIC. they did leave some loose ends in the movie, but tied it up nice enough to where there was closure in the movie, but also the option for future sequels/spin-off franchise movies.

saturday i hung out with sando, claudia, and megan. we got drunk and watched saved! (which, by the way is an AWESOME movie!) after they left, i went over to patrick's and hung out with him for awhile.

then today, i was supposed to work 3-10, but got off at 7 because we were so slow. i went out to bloomfield hills for ethan's party. it was a fucking awesome time!! megan, sando, claudia, natalie, shannon, max, phil, and johnny all have become some of my new favorite people :)

its about 3 a.m. now, but im gonna hang with lauren when she gets off work, since she worked overtime the past two nights and could not partake in the fun that everyone else had.

okay, well thats all for now....later!

im nothing but smiles right now :)

even if it doesnt lead anywhere, he has restored my faith in finding a good guy one day, and finding someone who just clicks with me :)

for those of you that still read my journal, i need your help. i am having some serious issues right now with my family and stuff, and i need all the support i can get. this is the hardest thing ill ever have to do, and it is all blowing up in my face.

why cant they just be understanding/accepting? why must they make this into a big deal? im still me....my sexuality does not change who i am at all.

i just dont get it.........

i cant do this alone......

let me lay it on the line
tell you what i feel
you should know by now
everything for you i feel
the past has gone, gone away
but not the memory of you and me

i cant stand
knowing your with him
i wish i knew
what it was pushing you away
where have you gone?
when all i want, are some answers
you gotta tell me now
where did we go wrong?

i still know your touch
and taste you on my lips
i feel your heartbeat next to me
as we lie asleep
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

was it me, was it you?
was it anything between?
how'd you feel, was it real?
or were you just pretending?
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

let it be....good riddance to you.

i wish you nothing but the best, even if this is the biggest mistake of your life.

look deep and ask yourself....is this what i really want? is this what i really feel?

see, im not as stupid as you may think....and i know what lies deep down in your heart

okay guys......im laying everything on the line again.

i have met someone....or rather, reconnected with someone from the past. he is just absolutely amazing,and to think he has been under my nose this whole time :)

ive let go of the past and of fear and doubt.....im taking a chance on this one and putting myself out there.

i feel alive for the first time in a LONG time....and its so great.

leave your lovin kids :)

dont think for a moment that you are not important to me, and that you do not hold a near and dear spot in my life.

no matter what happens or where we go, ill be there for you anytime you need.

if it all falls through and you need somebody there for you, i will be there in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

i dont think i will ever stop believing or hoping :)

outrageousdude7's LiveJournal popularity rating is 3.49/10. outrageousdude7 is more popular than 95.1% of all LiveJournal users. outrageousdude7 is more popular than 71.2% of their mutual friends. How popular are you? LJ Popularity created by thehumangame.

do you realize what/who you have turned in to? do you realize that you are jeopardizing the friendships that "supposedly" mean so much to you?

i know you get mad when i tell you what to do, but this change you have made sucks. you have become one of THEM.

p.s. if you are reading this and wonder if its about you....ask me, ill tell you the honest truth.

p.s.s. its only about ONE person

i understand you now. i understand what happened. i wish i didnt doubt you before.

one more thing....i forgive you.